Random thoughts of a messed up head

My depressed boyfriend went to sleep. I forgot about all my troubles because I was busy sorting out his shit. He said he'll do it himself, but I can't help it; it's dragging and the feeling is contagious. Also, I want him to be back in his old jolly vibrant handsome self. He looks five years older than me, and I'm two years older. So that's seven.

I'm listening to Metric. I downloaded all her songs. My iPod is complaining. It says that it can't include my photos anymore not because it's tired of me and my boyfriend's face but because the memory is full. I deleted some videos and a few screamo songs from Lost Prophets. It's alright now. I'm downloading another discography from The Submarine. Also downloaded discography of The Killers. Loving Metric. My iPod is angry. I should get another one with larger memory. >_>

I'm sleepy but felt too sad/bored/ to sleep. Blood is oozing out of me and it's...it's...gross why am I talking about this?

I miss my baby.

Tomorrow I'd be lost cause I prolly wouldn't know what to do. Will go to school to sort my problem about internships. Will meet Mads there. Will not bring my laptop cause it's too heavy. Will bring book to read. Will go to the mall to look for a cheap messenger bag; the one I'm using now is complaining as well. Why is everything wanting to be replaced? Even this laptop is gradually resigning.

I want a MacBook. It's too expensive. Might not be able to buy this year because my boss is suddenly gone. I wonder where he went and if he's coming back. He hasn't sent me a message for a month now, nor has he replied to my messages.

I will apply for that internship in Washington again. Must do it this week or next week tops. I might be lucky and get in this time. I should be lucky! I've been in a deep mess lately, and I need it. It's for experience, for a good future, for money, for new friends, for a four month escape, for pride, for myself, and for Ady and mom and sisters (and for fame and glory ;D ). Will not have my hopes up though. Expectations are bad things.

I'm sleepy and I should prolly head to bed cause it's 1 am and I'm worried about my skin but I'm still waiting for my iPod's battery to be full. I might just pull it out in five minutes cause I'm going crazy...and fat.

I miss Ady.

He's not coming this September. He's not coming next year and prolly the year after that. His parents don't like me. They think I'm a con-artist, a beautiful one so it's super effective. The sexiness didn't help either. I will go there after I graduate, wear a little black dress and three inch stilettos and strut to their door. I'll knock and ask questions like I'm lost. I can imagine it and it's making me chuckle.

I have everything I want a few months ago. Family, friends, money, freedom, love, happiness, opportunities (that slipped), and lots of fun times. Now all I have is my lonely love, who's fast asleep atm. He's so depressed that he's prolly thinking of leaving me. I won't be surprised. When everyone and everything's leaving, you tend to follow. It's alright, this isn't the first time I was stripped with everything and became alone. It'll be painful at first, but I'll get past it. Easy now that I'm actually not feeling anything anymore. Except love cause he's still there. Still. He's still there.

When will he be here? With me?