Before I go to bed, I wish you'd talk to me, like you do every time we had misunderstandings. You didn't care if I was in the right or wrong side. All you cared about was wanting to talk to me because you love me. I don't know how you manage leaving both of us miserable (or maybe it was me). Or maybe you don't really feel anything at all except anger because I'm fucking shallow and childish and I'm the only one who's miserable and missing you, the old you.
Maybe you're growing up and you're being mature cause you handle this like a pro. I guess I can't cause I feel so broken and my damn pride won't let me run to you to fix it. I don't think it'll be fixed though, cause you're already like that and I guess you're too tired from work to patch things up with me.
Who am I anyway? I'm just some virtual girl 10,000 miles away you don't even know. I might not even be real.
I shouldn't be angry, shouldn't ignore you just because of something so shallow. It sucks how you aren't so patient anymore. I've done or said even things even more shallow it's like I accidentally dropped a little bar of chocolate cause I was clumsy and blamed you even if you're 5,000 or more miles away. Of course that never happened. But it was sorta like that.
Maybe you're growing up. Maybe I'm being childish. Maybe I should just shut up.
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in time and reap just what you sow
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
I was a noob.
I didn't know much about the internet.
I was ugly (people say I look better now).
My hair was ugly.
So was my skin.
And my teeth (I had braces).
I was terribly shy.
I was innocent (sort of :P ).
I was naive (maybe I still am).
It's funny how before you wouldn't leave me alone when we fight and I wouldn't talk. You would keep pestering me with long messages, calling me, and talking to whoever it was connected to me just to get me back to my computer or pick up my phone.
It's also funny how now you don't exert any effort. You go and say you'll sleep and maybe later I'd want to talk to you. I wish I'd never want to talk to you. I wish I could sleep properly without thinking of you or this whole mess.
You know it's not because of Lola and her constipation. It's you not willing to work things with me. I usually stop talking when I get upset, but you usually urge me to talk. Now you don't even try. And that's what's making me feel more upset. Please don't give me the excuse that you don't know, it's just this one time, etc. cause you've been like this for months. You've been really busy, I guess. You stopped doing the little sweet things you do for me before. I don't know if you just forget or it doesn't matter anymore cause it's just me and you know I'm yours and won't go anywhere (so why waste effort?).
Every day I feel like you love me less contrary to what you tell me. Oh but fuck they're just words aren't they? You can tell me everything you want because it's easy. The problem is, you stopped showing me. In the first place, it's already difficult to show what we feel in this relationship but we still try, don't we? Now you just don't care.
You're not the same. You're not who I fell in love with. If you're bored with me, you can go cut your hair (I know you fucking hate it) and find other girls. It won't be the end of the world for me.
I'm sorry I've been difficult lately. It's just that I'm not feeling like myself at all. I feel so lonely staying in a place I'd rather not be. I know you want to try and make me feel better, but there's nothing you can do babes. Maybe I'll just wait til I get over it, or get used to wherever I am and hope that in due time I can be completely happy.
I'm sorry I've been messing with your feelings. It's my ill humor working to amuse me. I know it's unfair for you but I'm weird like that. I don't know why you love me. I'm not talking to you right now and it's still alright for you. You just said you'll sit back and watch me, although, I can see that you're not really watching me. I wonder what you're doing. But I don't want to ask. I'll just sit here until it's 11 pm and it's time for bed.
I love you, but I wonder if we can keep this up. What if everyday is like this? Won't we get tired eventually? You're being really patient right now. But I wonder if it would last long. And I wonder if I can be patient like you.
Also, I wonder what would happen if you suddenly change, how I'll take it in and cope with it. I wonder too much. I should stop.
So I was reminded of the stuff I used to post. It's fun to look back and see what I was listening to and how I've felt.
I went to a beach called Boracay and stayed there for four days. It was really rainy and the waves were fierce. Still, we did some water activities and we even went island hopping. I kept imagining the boat would sink and I'd be washed away somewhere. While my imagination was at work, this song kept playing in my head.
I'm just a normal boy That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country But I'd rather swim ashore
Without a life vest I'd be stuck again Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim Like 'fourteen miles away'
Now floating up and down I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down I'm sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out The lighthouse beam has just run out I'm cold as cold as cold can be Be
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down Let the rain come down
Where is the coastguard I keep looking each direction For a spotlight, give me something I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind I'm treading for my life believe me (How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think I scream aloud, begin to sink My legs and arms are broken down With envy for the solid ground I'm reaching for the life within me How can one man stop his ending I thought of just your face Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm fallin' in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down Let the rain come down
Now waking to the sun I calculate what I had done Like jumping from the bow, yeah Just to prove that I knew how, yeah It's midnight's late reminder of The loss of her, the one I love My will to quickly end it all Sat front row in my need to fall
Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all
[Zayra] Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down Let the rain come down
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (In to space) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) I thought of just your face
