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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Please, please, please let me get what I want

I dreamt of you last night. It was awesome. I think it's because of too much thoughts of what I'll do when I'd be lucky and get the internship in Washington. Anyway, it was cloudy, perfect weather. You and I are walking towards home. You held me so tight I swear I knew how sturdy you are, and how sexy you smelled like. We were laughing. I tipped your head to face me, my nose almost touching your smile. Your breath smelled of mint, I pulled you down and you kissed me.


When we got home. We went to sleep and you held me all night.

All day in school I was smiling. My friends thought I was crazy. On my way home, I played this song on repeat. I wished I'd dream about you again. But I wished more that someday soon it'll come true. Cause you just don't know how much I like you. :)



Good times for a change
See the luck I've had
Could make a good man turn bad

So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Get what I want this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See the life I've had
Could make a good man turn bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time

Lord knows it would be the first time

So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Get what I want this time

Lord knows it would be the first time

Monday, September 6, 2010

Can't Stand It

This song is just so you! Do you know that? I really can't stand you and everything you do because it's so cute. :\


The simple things you do for me makes me really happy, I wanted to cry because of too much appreciation. You never ignored me and my requests/favors/wants. Well, the last one is ehhhh but still, you're always there for me.

I don't know if you'll know I'm talking about you if you read this. I'm starting to have this feeling that you're oblivious, insensitive and you sometimes can't be arsed...but maybe I'm wrong after all. Well, who knows? If you get this inkling, and the signs I'm sending, grats. :P

I don't have to tell anything now, do I? You already know what I feel after all.


Baby, I love you
I never want to let you go
The more I think about,
The more I want to let you know…
That everything you do,
Is super fucking cute
And I can’t stand it

I’ve been searching for
A girl that’s just like you
Cause I know
That your heart is true

Baby, I love you
I never want to let you go
The more I think about,
The more I want to let you know…
That everything you do,
Is super duper cute
And I can’t stand it

Let’s forget,
And run away
To sail the ocean blue
Then you’ll know,
That my heart is true

Baby, I love you
I never want to let you go
The more I think about,
The more I want to let you know…
That everything you do,
Is super duper cute
And I can’t stand it

You, you got me where you want me
Cause I’ll do anything to please you
Just to make it through…
Another year

You, I saw you across the room
And I knew that this is gonna
Blossom into something beautiful.
You’re beautiful.

Baby, I love you
I never want to let you go
The more I think about,
The more I want to let you know…
That everything you do,
Is super duper cute
And I can’t stand it
No I can’t stand it
No I can’t stand it

Friday, September 3, 2010

A Little Piece of Heaven

The ending of my short story made me feel sick. That actually wasn't my intention but I desperately wanted to finish it because I have stalled too much. I actually started writing early or late January, and finished it September. That was when I was too inspiringly mean to my bestie Lola. XD

View story here.

Dear Lola, I didn't really mean to end it that way but you hated the story from the very beginning, sooo, I suppose you won't care. Haha. You hated Douglas having a perfect life and falling in love with Lola, either way you'd feel the same. ;D


Anyway, I think reading too much Stephen King did this to me. But don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved 'Everything's Eventual'.


And this song reminds me of the ending, same way as Mads did. WARNING: Video contains explicit material. hurrr




Before the story begins, is it such a sin,
for me to take what's mine, until the end of time
We were more than friends, before the story ends,
And I will take what's mine, create what
God would never design

Our love had been so strong for far too long,
I was weak with fear that
something would go wrong,
before the possibilities came true,
I took all possibility from you
Almost laughed myself to tears,(hahaha)
conjuring her deepest fears
(come here you fucking bitch)

Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can't believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy, eat it eat it eat it

She was never this good in bed
even when she was sleepin'
now she's just so perfect I've
never been quite so fucking deep in
it goes on and on and on,
I can keep you lookin' young and preserved forever,
with a fountain to spray on your youth whenever

’Cause I really always knew that my little crime
would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
and I know, I know it's not your time
but bye, bye
and a word to the wise when the fire dies
you think it's over but it's just begun
baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
’cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
let's make a new start
’cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
but baby don't cry

Now possibilities I'd never considered,
are occurring the likes of which I'd never heard,
Now an angry soul comes back from beyond the grave,
to repossess a body with which I'd misbehaved

Smiling right from ear to ear
Almost laughed herself to tears

Must have stabbed him fifty fucking times
I can't believe it
Ripped his heart out right before his eyes
Eyes over easy
Eat it eat it eat it

Now that it's done I realize the error of my ways
I must venture back to apologize from somewhere far beyond the grave

I gotta make up for what I've done
’Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven
while you burned in hell, no peace forever

’Cause I really always knew that my little crime
would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
and I know, I know it's not your time
but bye, bye
and a word to the wise when the fire dies
you think it's over but it's just begun
but baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, We fell apart
Let’s make a new start
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

I will suffer for so long
(What will you do, not long enough)
To make it up to you
(I pray to God that you do)
I'll do whatever you want me to do
(Well then I’ll grant you a chance)
And if it's not enough
(If it’s not enough, If it’s not enough)
If it's not enough
(Not enough)
Try again
(Try again)
And again
(And again)
Over and over again
(Over and over again)
We’re coming back, coming back
We’ll live forever, live forever
Let’s have a wedding, have a wedding
Let’s start the killing, start the killing

Do you take this man in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(Yes, I do.)
Do you take this woman in death for the rest of your unnatural life?
(I do.)
I now pronounce you...

’Cause I really always knew that my little crime
would be cold that's why I got a heater for your thighs
and I know, I know it's not your time
but bye, bye
And a word to the wise when the fire dies
you think it's over but it's just begun
but baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, we fell apart
Let’s make a new start
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Butchered Tale of Lola Lopez and Douglas Pt. 3 (finale)

Lola opened her eyes with chest thundering. She planned to pretend that she passed out but felt that the floor was too cold and hard. She quickly scampered towards the far corner of the room, burying herself under the huge empty fish crates. Color left her face not because she was scared of what might happen to her but because the smell of rotten fish filled her nose, it was almost impossible to breathe. She went back where she bonked her head before and started to think.

Nothing.

She clinched that it was probably because of her fall but she quickly realized that she felt no difference; her mind was always like that. She sighed, concentrated, and did the yoga pose. She heard the loud motor of the yacht, the squeals of seagulls and the angry grumble of her tummy. After a minute of calming enlightenment, she came up with a list of plans:

1. Shoot seagulls, too noisy, can’t concentrate
2. Eat seagulls, too hungry, can’t think
3. Sucks aiming at flying things
4. Shoot Douglas instead
5. Eat Douglas
6. Find gun
7. (looked around) No gun
8. Whack with baseball bat
9. (looked around) No bat
10. Can’t…think…need…food

She whimpered, her tummy ached of need.

Lola didn’t know that behind the doors where she put her weight, Douglas was listening, also aching with need. He thought that Lola’s moans sounded lovely. If only he was the cause of those sweet moans…

'Coitus!' He cursed, gritting his teeth.

He unzipped his pants. Lola looked like a Barbie doll. Actually, she was the epitome of a gorgeous doll, a reality, something he always wanted but would never get. Douglas had a fetish for dolls, and though Lola was real, he thought that liking her started to make him grow up. His mother who thought that he was a worthless piece of shit always told him to grow up and get a life, but he just loved Barbie’s legs that he couldn’t move on. But his mother wouldn’t know about this anymore. She was after all, one of his dolls.

One night he was desperate for love, but there were no Barbies around where his car broke down. He saw an old gasoline station and an old house next to it. He saw a doll inside the house when he went looking for food, but it was a baby doll. He grabbed the baby and thought that was enough to satisfy his need. It was still a doll, he thought.

What he did was what a pedophile does, he realized. He felt sick and ashamed of himself, and murdered the baby doll. When he finished dismembering it, the eyes were still blinking, it drove him crazy that he kept stabbing.

That was when he saw Lola watching him. She looked like a goddess under the moonlight. That was also when he realized he wanted her so badly.

'Uhhhrrrmmm-uhhh ohhhh.' Lola moaned.

Douglas pressed his ear closer against the cold metal door and whispered to himself, 'Oh my Einstein! Why must Lola subsist as a blistering, burning at boiling point amatory beast of a woman?'

Hands now inside his pants, he closed his eyes, and his mouth watered as he imagined all the things he would do with Lola, given the chance.

Just as he was about to reach the zenith of pleasure, Lola stopped moaning. She stopped making any sound at all. Like a flower not watered for a week, what Douglas held wilted. He was in the verge of crying, but stopped himself and knocked.

'Are you still prevailing?' No answer.

'Lola?' Still no answer.

Douglas backed away several meters, his face that of a charging rhino. He then raced towards the door at full speed, his shoulders aimed against it. The door swiftly opened, it wasn’t locked after all. Still, he hit something blocking the door before it banged on the wall. A painful shriek was heard, and then everything was silent again.

Stepping inside, Douglas saw Lola lying face down a few steps away from the door, her limbs twisted in a funny manner, and her hair all over. He felt his throat tighten as he slowly walked towards Lola’s pallid body. He gathered her into his arms and consoled her hoping to hear her say something. When she didn’t, he broke into tears. Crying over her chest, he felt weird in a good way. He thought of crying more so that his tears would soak her clothes making it possible to take a peek on what was underneath. When he caught himself with those horrible thoughts, he pinched himself and wailed.

After a few moments, Douglas felt a hard tug on his hair. It was so painful that he dropped Lola’s body. Looking down on her, he saw that her bloodshot eyes were wide open, and her lips purple. She was so white, except for the dark red blood flowing down her nostril.

Douglas backed away shaking with fear. Lola came back from the underworld to haunt him, she might also try to kill him like what his mother tried to do, he thought.

'You stupid bastard.' Lola hissed.

'Don’t loom in my proximity!' Douglas’ voice came out jagged.

'I’m so hungry I could just tear a piece of you off.' Lola was mad with hunger, not to mention that it was his fault why her head felt like splitting.

Lola stood up wavering, she leaned on the wall near the stinking crates. Douglas was shaking like crazy, his face looked agitated and petrified. She wondered what was wrong with him, but realized he was scared because he thought she was back from the dead. She laughed at the idea of scaring him and felt proud for forming a way of escape.

'Graaaggrrrghh!' Lola roared gutturally. Raising her arms slightly overhead, she sauntered towards him.

Douglas shrieked like a woman. Grabbing a pipe lying on the floor, he struck Lola on her side which made her kneel and squirm in pain. 'What’s wrong with you?' She shouted angrily.

He held the pipe tightly with both hands and swung once more, hitting Lola on the head. It was so forceful that she fell on the floor, unable to perceive what was happening. Before her mind closed in on her, she felt warm liquid dripping down her forehead, into her lashes and down her cheeks. She was momentarily blinded, but was able to see Douglas' evil grin as he continued beating her with the bloody pipe. She also heard him repeatedly say, ‘you’re gonna be my doll.’


It ends here

Douglas rocked his chair back and forth, smiling contentedly as he blew smoke. He reached towards the chair next to him where his lovely wife sat. His hand slowly encased hers, carefully, as not to tear off the fragile skin. He caressed her still face, all beautiful and preserved. He traced her smile, and thought that this was the most beautiful thing he had created, well, apart from his mom. His hand slid down her cold neck and before he knew it, he was carrying her back to bed.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Quelqu'un m'a dit

I find this song really calming, and I just can't stop listening to it even if I didn't understand a thing. Relating to it was very easy for me though. It's like my life right now: it couldn't be understood but it goes well.

Sometimes I think how my life sucks, but I realized while listening to this song that it's exactly like that. I can't understand how or where it will go, but I enjoy living it.

Cheers to me for being optimistic on my 20th.
Yes, it's today. :)




On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud
que de nos chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux
pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

Refrain

Que tu m'aimais encore,
C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore.
Serais ce possible alors ?

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout
Parais qu'le bonheur est à portée de main,
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit ...

Refrain

Mais qui est ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'aimais?
Je ne me souviens plus c'était tard dans la nuit,
J'entend encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits
"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que j'vous l'ai dit"
Tu vois quelqu'un m'a dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore, me l'a t'on vraiment dit...
Que tu m'aimais encore, serais ce possible alors ?

(I preferred to post the original language, but if you want to find out what the lyrics mean, go to this site: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/Quelqu%E2%80%99un-M%E2%80%99-Dit-Quelqu%E2%80%99un-M%E2%80%99-Dit.html)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Afterlife

Trapped again as usual. Why can't they just let me go and let me be happy? They're all miserable and they're dragging me down. My feeling for this place: Burning hate.
I know I'm not the only one feeling this, even their own hates every second. Funny. None of them can't let go because they're being held in the neck, squirm and they'd snap it. No one ever dared to defy either. Sadly, not even me. Hell.

But soon I'll leave this wretched place. That's for sure.



Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen
so unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light, but girl this can't be right
Such a surreal place to see so how did this come to be
Arrived too early

And when I think of all the places I just don't belong
I've come to grips with life and realize this is going too far

I don't belong here, we gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here

A place of hope and no pain, perfect skies with no rain
Can leave this place but refrain, ’cause we've been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

This peace on earth's not right (with my back against the wall)
No pain or sign of time (I’m much too young to fall)
So out of place don't wanna stay, I feel wrong and that's my sign
I've made up my mind

Gave me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
take me back inside when the time is right

Loved ones back home all crying ’cause they're already missing me
I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening
Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be
(I am unbroken; I’m choking on this ecstasy)
Oh Lord I'll try so hard but you gotta let go of me
(Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live)


I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on, far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I’d hope you might
take me back inside when the time is right

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Summer Shudder

I post another music video, I listen to it on repeat, I sing as I cry, and it's still all about you.

You know you frustrate me
From the start you believed I'm real
Now you told me it's not easy
When I confessed about what I feel.


I told you I like you more than a friend, didn't I? I've felt that way for a long time. I just don't want to ruin our friendship, and now I did. Somehow, I knew this was coming, that rejection is everything I'll get from you. But a larger part of me hopes that I'll be happy, that you'll want me as much as I want you.

I burned.




Listen when I say,
When I say it's real.
Real life goes undefined,
Why must you be so missable?

Everything you take,
Makes me more unreal.
Real lines are undefined.
How can this be so miserable?

Under the summer rain, I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
You turned away.

Listen I can't make.
Make a sound or feel.
Feel fine I kissed the lies,
Why must they be so kissable?
Listen as I break.
Break the fourth wall's seal.
Gorgeous eyes shine suicide
When will we be invisible?

Under the summer rain, I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
We find a way.
Under the summer rain, I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
You turned away.

This is the fall,
This is the long way down.
And our lives look smaller now,
And our lives look so small.
Willingly crying.

This is the fall,
This is the long way down.
And our lives look smaller now,
And our lives look so small.

Under the summer rain, I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
We find a way.

Under the summer rain, I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
We find a way.

Under the summer rain (Burn!)
I burnt away.
Under the summer rain (Burn!)
You turned away...