I don't know what you feel about me but you know I'm scared. You did kiss me the first time we met, at the airport, just like what you've promised. You smiled at me and held my shoulders. I don't know how to look at you, my head is tilted upwards although I don’t want you to see my face completely. I always think I’m not that beautiful and I’m afraid you’ll also think that. Looking that way, I blinked several times slowly absorbing it all in. Your well-chiseled face and clear complexion, your brows and the eyebrow piercing, your chin, and facial hair slowly growing back again. Then I looked down when I realized how different I am compared to how you really see me. I might not be the way you think I am every time we would talk online. I always tell you that. But I don’t have the guts to ask what you feel about me, not right now, at least not yet.
I still remember the kiss. I doubt I’ll ever forget that. It was the first time somebody kissed me that way. It’s just so soft, warm and it’s pleasing. I never imagined someone would actually kiss so sweet, like that. I hope I didn’t disappoint you by not moving at all. I was frozen and for a moment my whole world stopped. Even I can’t feel my own heart beating, although it’s drumming so hard within my chest. My hands were shaking when I held your sleeves while you pulled me up to a tiptoe, your hands wrapped around my waist. I didn’t know what gave you the urge to kiss me deeper because I’m still as a statue but I could feel your warmth completely inside my mouth. I felt like I’m breathing the air you breathe and I felt like melting down mixing myself to you when you pulled me closer and held me tight.
You’re not much of a talker. And I was too shy to blurt out words that would make a decent sentence. We have different native tongues and I believe I’m not too good in saying yours completely. I know it’s the only way to make us closer, by talking. But I just walked by your side while making our way out of the airport and into my friend’s car. Twice I glanced at you, when people are swarmed all over us that it’s almost impossible for you to see me staring. But then again, I knew that you know I’m looking at you because I saw the curl of your lips, something that gave me the idea that you don’t like being watched.
I still couldn’t believe that you’re with me. You’re a real person, a really good-looking person with bright blue eyes sitting in the backseat looking tired and defeated. My friend won’t stop nudging me when we first put your baggage in the trunk and until now that I’m seated at the passenger’s seat, she would still poke me and eye me playfully. I can’t help but smile at her, but I do it only when you’re looking away or when your eyes are closed. I don’t know if you like being next to me, or close to me. I wanted to sit beside you and rest my head on your chest but my mind flashed your face in disagreement. I quickly shook off the idea and stared blankly on the road ahead of me. I was surprised I felt tired and sleepy when I know my excitement is still bubbling inside of me and I imagined you already asleep. The cold and the dark is very cozy, even I could doze off any second now. I turned around to take a glance of your sleeping face but when I did I saw you staring at me, your eyes the color of the ocean when dawn breaks. And then you smiled.
